Kids behaving badly online? Here's what parents can do

There has always been a cultural gap between parents and their children. But arguably this divide has grown over the past decade or more as digital natives are born with no concept of a life without continuous connectivity.

For “digital immigrants,” who have been forced to adapt to this new digital era, it can be challenging understanding the world from their children’s point of view. And it can be even more difficult to empathize with kids that exploit their online freedoms to behave inappropriately.

Yet while the disconnect is real, it doesn’t have to be insurmountable. By taking time to understand and communicate the impact of undesirable online behavior, you can teach your kids an invaluable set of life lessons for a new digital age.

What does behaving badly mean online?

Let’s face it, kids can be impulsive. But they’re also wired to be this way. Researchers believe that the frontal and prefrontal cortexes of the brain – which play a major role in controlling behavior – aren’t fully developed in adolescents. The result? More impulsivity and risk taking.

Yet risk taking in itself is not a bad thing. It may be terrifying for the parent, but is an essential part of growing up – allowing children to build confidence and resilience, and understand the importance of good judgement. The problem is when impulsivity spills over into recklessness which could endanger their mental and physical health, and potentially their finances, as well as the lives of others.

With your work logins, adversaries could hijack your email or other accounts to access sensitive corporate data and networks for theft and extortion. And if you reuse those logins across multiple accounts, they may even be able to run credential stuffing campaigns to unlock those accounts, too.

What kinds of things are we talking about?

Oversharing personal data

Social media sites, online gaming and chat rooms and other platforms are awash with kids’ personal information. And bullies, predators and identity thieves are primed and ready to use it against them. Identity theft is particularly common. Almost a million US children fell victim in 2022, costing their families over $1bn. Children’s personal information is in particularly high demand as the person attached to it doesn’t have a bad credit rating, so it can be used in synthetic fraud without tripping any alarms. Kids are also less likely to know if their information is being abused in this way to open new bank or credit card accounts, for example.

Talking to strangers

Oversharing personal information might also invite the attention of online predators, who are often found impersonating kids online to get closer to their targets. On rare occasions this can spill over to abuse in the physical world, although often the end goal is some kind of sextortion. This happens when a predator persuades a child to send explicit videos or images of themselves. Once these are in their possession, they will demand more, or possible money—threatening to release said images if their demands aren’t met. The FBI warns that from October 2021 to March 2023, it received over 13,000 reports of online financial sextortion of minors, with at least 20 suicides recorded.

Lying about their age

A third of children aged 8-17 with a social media profile have a false age, according to research from UK regulator Ofcom. They often do this to fit in with their friends and assuage their FOMO. The challenge is that it could result in your children being exposed to harmful content and age-inappropriate advertising. As Ofcom warns, if a child aged eight sets up an account as a 13-year-old, then by the time they’re 13, they will be able to access adult content.

Sexting

This is when adolescent impulsivity can get youngsters into real trouble. Research claims that nearly 1-in-10 Americans aged 13-17 have had explicit images of themselves shared without their consent. This could have unintended legal consequences, as sharing such images may be illegal. It can also open the door to sextortion and cyberbullying, with all the emotional distress this entails.

Cyberbullying

Bullying has always been commonplace among children – for many reasons. The internet has simply opened up more opportunities from a larger range of peers for this to happen. Research reveals that half of US teens have experience cyberbullying. This can cause emotional and physical harm and loss of self-esteem. The advent of AI-powered deepfake nudes will only compound these challenges.

Hacking or scamming others

Sometimes kids may use their technical know-how for malign purposes, without having a clear understanding of the consequences of their actions. A report several years ago from the UK’s National Crime Agency (NCA) revealed that children as young as nine had been caught launching DDoS attacks. There’s a long list of teens found guilty of sometimes serious cyber-attacks including data extortion and ransomware. Sometimes the intent is not even to make money, but simply to brag to others in online groups, although the authorities might not see it that way. A criminal record could blight a young person’s life for many years to come.

What parents can do

For much of the above, the advice is the same. As a parent you need to:

• Set clear ground rules
• Lead by example with your own digital habits (i.e., avoid oversharing and engaging in risky online behavior)
• Use parental controls where necessary to monitor usage and block access to inappropriate content
• Talk candidly about the dangers of inappropriate behavior (sexting, oversharing, cyberbullying, etc.), and the importance of online safety and respecting others

You could also consider the following:

• Set up your child’s online accounts and choose age-appropriate ones (to mitigate the risk of them lying about their age)
• Enrol your children in an identity protection service, which monitors the dark web for signs of their personal info (to mitigate the impact of oversharing)
• Ensuring your children’s privacy settings limit who can view their account (to reduce exposure to bullies, predators and fraudsters)
• Share details of ways your child could exercise their hacking skills in a positive way, via government or privately run courses (if you’re concerned they may be hacking others)
• Download anti-malware from a reputable vendor to their devices
• Ensure they only download apps from official stores

Above all, keep the lines of communication open where possible. It’s important that your kids understand the difference between good and bad behavior online, but also that you’ll always be there to listen. Ultimately, this isn’t just about protecting your kids. It’s about raising the next generation of internet users to be thoughtful, risk-averse and respectful.